We are in emotional pain, caught up in it. We're reacting to them and holding them at bay. We're caught up in a flood of emotions, we are overwhelmed. Others get caught up in thoughts…reacting to the feelings by thinking in a frantic search for reasons…often blaming ourselves or another:. In both cases, instead of feeling our feelings all the way through we react to them by over thinking and blaming. And a lot of this is avoiding our actual feelings, that then get buried. We can also avoid our emotions by distracting ourselves…by day dreaming, keeping busy, running errands, listing to music, etc.
This postpones healing our emotions. Another way we avoid feelings is by trying to rise above them We can even use yoga this way.
Deepak Chopra's 7-Step Exercise to Release Emotional Turbulence - Gaiam
This too postpones the healing of our emotions. We may temporarily feel better, having risen above our uncomfortable feelings and calmed down, but we've not really worked them through. Still, it can be helpful to give us a breather and some distance from feelings so we can get more centered. It is difficult to talk about the ways we shift away from feeling our feelings and how that postpones healing emotions.
Emotional Potty Training For Grown-Ups
Most of us don't distinguish these different consciousness states. The emotional retreats we lead are for the specific purpose of helping people move through difficult emotions to the other side. You hurt because she died or he left or you lost your job or you got angry and said damaging things…or whatever happened. Feelings are our pathway to growing and loving. When we stop feeling or block feelings we stop growing. Life is not a problem to be solved. It is a journey to be lived. It is about growing, healing, and most importantly loving.
We are here to love and learn. We are here to love and be loved. All of our thinking or distracting ourselves or reacting will not change what has happened, although it can help change what we do in the future.
But first we need to come into the present and stop reacting. And that is exactly what feeling our feelings does. Emotions help us heal our bodies and minds. The wet tears of grief soothe us and wash away pain. Grieving helps us shift from the pain of loss to the honoring of what we had, that can live on in us as joyous memories.
The fire of anger mobilizes us to protect us from pain, from being hurt or victimized. But if we are blinded by rage we may do more harm than good. Anger gives us strength and focus as it is worked through. The contraction and hyper-alertness of fear helps protect us from harm. But if we stay stuck in fear we remain stuck in our lives.
Fear, as we work it through, centers us, giving us clarity and excitement. As we feel each feeling, we move beyond being stuck in them to the other side. This is the process of healing emotions. Healing emotions is the action of evolving our stuck emotions, freeing the energy in them for good.
For many people anger has gotten them in a lot of trouble They've learned to suppress anger, and try to hold it back. If this is you, you might be concerned that expressing your anger will just do more damage! I am not saying go out and express your anger at somebody. If this is something you are caught up you may just be trapped in that pattern you learned in your younger years as a way to deal with frustration. You may need to learn more effective and constructive ways to meet your needs. Cleaning out the back log of suppressed anger is a good start, and our retreats are a place to do this.
The problem for many angry people is thatl the suppressed anger turns to rage. Our thoughts focus on our being wronged and can stir up old feelings until they finally pour out as rage. Rage is quite different than anger , it is a reaction to built-up anger. Anger is focused and protective Rage is, as they say, blind The suppressed anger in us from the past slowly turns to rage if it is not given an outlet.
Our thoughts, based on old learned patterns, can stir up these old emotions, building it up until it is hard to contain. Our bodies want to get rid of that pain, so it comes up as a hot, fiery volcano to erupt out of us, freeing us from suppressed poison. But this can do a lot of damage. I remember working as a psychotherapist with men who were violent towards their wives. In every case they saw themselves as victims, fighting perceived injustices.
If you are new to the show I advise you to start listening from beginning as I am building chronologically and you will understand very quickly what I am referring to here. First of all we have to look at the WHY it is so hard to access our feelings and I will answer that question from my personal experience. For one there is no one to watch us in it. And this is a very very important point. As children most of us spent all of our childhood not having had our feelings validated.
Not having anywhere to go with our feelings. Validation would look something like that: The child is upset, the parent sees that and stops whatever he or she is doing and gifts all of his time, presence and focus to his or her child. They would ask: Honey, I can see you are feeling sad or upset! Tell me all about it. The parent would support the child by allowing it to express in whatever way the child needs to.
This is LOVE. This is pure love. Often, however, what parents do is to shut the child off, they sometimes tell the child to stop crying, maybe even be triggered themselves and act out on the child in a destructive way. Many parents are rather uncomfortable with feelings themselves. They think comforting and consoling you in such a way is a good thing.
But in a way they are trying to make it go away and that is rather denial than anything else. And that has often horrible consequences. Basically, the child is being left on its own. How hopeless must a child feel in such a moment? Worse, over time it will give up the hope to ever be loved in such a way. Logically there resides a deep longing inside of us that wants to finally be seen and validated in its feelings.
If we have to feel on our own it just triggers the memory that there is no one there to help. So we might give up before we even start. Being witnessed in our feelings in a non-judgmental compassionate way is an experience of unconditional love.
- Spring Break Lesbian Threesome.
- The Declaration of Independence and the US Constitution with Bill of Rights (with linked TOC).
- Protect Yourself Protect Your Family From Identity Theft and Financial Crimes (Protect Yourself, Protect Your Family Book 1)!
- The Alfred Hitchcock Triviography and Quiz Book (The Classic Mystery Triviography™ Series 2).
- Meanings of Abstract Art: Between Nature and Theory (Routledge Advances in Art and Visual Studies)!
- Unquenchable: Grow a Wildfire Faith that Will Endure Anything.
- QAR Comprehension Lessons: Grades 4–5?
It is so powerful. At the same time, the idea that someone watches us feeling our feelings in our adult life is scary as hell because that level of vulnerability is simply unimaginable. There is so much shame and fear connected to that. If, however, you can overcome that shame and fear, you will leverage a tool that will get you out of your wounding into total self- empowerment.
The Feeling Is The Healing – But How To?
Let me put it like that, ever since I am no longer ashamed of showing myself fully to someone else, I feel that I can handle almost anything that comes my way because I already overcame the hardest challenge. And that brings me to the second reason why : The idea to open up the lid to our feelings is so scary. That is precisely because we confuse the early suffering with feeling. It is our early imprint that makes us believe that.
Feeling a feeling in its purity is nothing but relieving.
- Madame Bovary (Hackett Classics).
- They Cried Wolf.
- Life provides suffering, healing requires help..
We think shedding a few tears is feeling but unless you are lying on the floor, letting your heart and gut rip apart consciously, you are not even touching the level of depth I am talking about. That is why now with my one-on-one clients at some point in our work together, I share with them one of my own recorded feeling sessions to demonstrate what I am really talking about. The moment I do that, they are having major break-throughs when it comes to their own ability to let themselves feel deeply. The last reason I want to point out is that we are also really scared because we do not know where this will take us.
What will it open up if I dare to go to the places where I am really hurting? Will I lose it? Will I know how to get out of it again? In my experience when you constantly respect your boundaries and the tempo of your soul, so not unnecessarily push somewhere you are not ready to go — or if you work with someone — not let them push you to where you are not ready to go, you will be safe.
Psychology calls that pacing.